Loose Associations

Suffering from a speech disorder, they say. Derailed. Loose associations. Ideas of a disturbed mind which do not connect. A fool’s speech.

But Gods, they love their fools.

Gods,

they understand…

I was sharpening my pencil. But it felt as if I were sharpening my mind. I was turning it round and round, yet it remained blunt and useless.

A car passed by. And very fast at that. I turned the pencil twice before another car flew by.

I was sitting there, in my mountain cabin, attempting the impossible.

But the traffic outside was driving me crazy.

They called and asked me to come and join the party.

I said no. I couldn’t, as I had not fed the horses yet.

I walked from room to room in search of the feed, but all in vain. It was clear to me that the horses were going to die.

Suddenly, it occurred to me that the feed was kept in the stables. I moved to go there, but as I opened the door, I could go no farther. I was looking for the stables crazily, when I remembered that I had none.

Now the horses were going to die for sure.

And the party? It was good.

They say, sometimes my thoughts are far too dark. They say I should do something about it.

I concur. I’ll turn on the light.

But not just as yet.

There was this little beetle crawling through the grass. Doing nothing bad, just moving on, minding its own business.

A hungry bird came down, snatched it in its beak and devoured it hastily.

No animal fables, no smart lessons to be taken out of it. Just the simple life in its naked form.

So when then?

That light. When will you turn it on?

When I concur a little more.

I think I’m being reasonable here. That’s what they all want from me. That’s what I will give them.

But hush now! She wants to bury the beetle. You know, the hole, the cross and other stuff.

She found the spot, but the beetle is gone. Anyway. The hole is dug. Something need be buried.

I hope she will be reasonable the way I am.

When they have it, they are bored. When they don’t, they want it.

What is it?

Look at this man, sitting on the sunlit bench. Just sitting and taking his time in living.

He’s my man, you know. He’s figured it out.

HE is my hero.

And the sun is shining and shining and shining.

If you have a plant at home, don’t forget to water it.

You see, history does not remember the rich. To her, the rich are just the opposite to the poor. And history doesn’t care about the poor either.

History is but a whore, dancing naked on the tip of a historian’s pen. And he, in turn, is dancing the pen, having a tip of a sword on his neck.

So again: What is the truth?

Go and ask your teacher. Go and ask them all. The more correct answers you attain, the better you will do on (their) exams.

And remember to water that plant!

When the rain has stopped and all that can be drunk is drunk, off we’ll go, my friends, you and me.

The fly will tell you why.

It’s comfortable to be a fool, if you ask. Aren’t we all, in a way?

But never you forget that the wheels are turning!

Just like that whiskey bottle on the dusty road.

Empty, of course.

As soon as you find out what the cause has been, please remind me of the result, too.

There’s no point in having shoes without the shoelaces. How many knots do you tie?

Walking is good for your health. Mental health as well. Long walks in the rain. Watch your step.

When you tie them shoes, make two knots at least.

Result is what matters.

Whys are for the flies.

One day the doorbell rings and you will be sent away like a sack of potatoes. Where and for whose enjoyment remains to be seen.

‘In the second half of April, he’ll be there.’

‘Well timed,’ she said. ‘The oranges will be ripe by then.’

April came. The doorbell rang.

Do you like them oranges?

The sun was high and shining, when I went to bed. Don’t ask me why.

Why?

Why is for the fly.

As I had my head deep-buried in the clouds, a mosquito bit me on my calf.

Mosquitoes know what’s good.

The sun set down, but I took no heed.

I kept staring at the stars, holding a guard to my own dream.

The price of hot-dogs has gone through the roof. Now it needs repairing.

Before you make your promises, don’t forget to brush your teeth!

I have brushed mine, and I AM all too ready to listen.

Speak! Before it starts to rain again.

Very few people understand that they are old.

I saw two tigers chewing on the grass. It was a cartoon depiction of the paradise. Is that how they want to make us believe?

I can have two tigers anytime I want.

I am the grass.

“What says you Walt?”

“I says, they don’t want to understand.”

Would you have the goodness, please, to stop questioning my sanity? Perhaps the time is ripe to question that of yours.

I have never heard of a man having died, just because of it having stopped raining. Equally, I have never heard of the rain stopping, just because of a man’s passing away.

‘How do you grasp it all?’

‘Why, with my hand, of course!’

So, they accuse you of not knowing how to count? Let me see.

If you have a million and you take a poor man’s ten, what do you have?

Can a hot-dog with ketchup be eaten on a rainy day?

Yes, it can. But remember this:

All deeds, good and bad, will be judged.

If you don’t believe in this, you, my friend,

have nothing.

Now take a peek through your fingers. What is it that you see?

Well-hidden, are you?

No one cares, one way or another. And it is good so. I do not care either.

But someone. One day, maybe..?

One day is long gone and all that remains are bad memories and you.

Just take them fingers off your eyes and move on.

Move on!

Wind is a heavenly piper looking for a pipe to play. And you all shall listen.

Hear me out!

Never mind. The wind has said it all.

The news is spreading fast: a man was run down by a car early in the morning. The car was going fast. Like the wind.

The man is dead, of course.

One man down. And here we go again!

The piper’s looking for yet another pipe.

Nobody puts a fence around a swamp.

Well, OK. Fools do.

I like swamps. I flew over one just yesterday. And my bad luck tried to follow.

On foot! (Poor silly thing.)

Flying is good. You should try it, if you dare.

And make sure your bad luck knows!

A thief has lost the keys to my place.

I’m content with that.

They’re keeping a lock of Napoleon’s hair somewhere on display, for the bewilderment of the living. Napoleon’s dead.

First let’s see how the experiment with the mammoth ends, shall we?

You mean that maybe…?

Maybe, but don’t hold you breath for it.

No, I won’t change the lock. Or should I?

Give me a clue.

Or don’t! I like guessing anyway.

Did you get your like today? It’s easy. Go on. What else would you use the internet for?

She wanted to share with me some kind of wisdom. She claimed it to be very old.

‘It’s very old,’ she said. ‘It’s so old that I’ve forgotten what it was.’

‘That’s alright,’ I said to her. ‘I am wise enough.’

It is your silly effort to appear a clever man that hinders you from becoming one.

Have you learnt a thing or two today? Something useful? Something wise, perhaps? Not yet?

Let’s make a bet.

But first go and make your bed.

I know you’ll need to sleep on it.

I’ve been gravely mistaken about what you want from me. Hence I made you misbelieve that all could be given.

I counted to five. Then I fell asleep.

My dog gets it all too well.

I pray for you to understand it too.

I’m learning the tricks of the Devil. I’ve fooled the world to think I’m not.

It’s no secret that the autumn’s on its way.

When you ask a question and I’ll give you no answer, what will you think of me?

What will you believe?

What do you believe?

What are your convictions about your very self?

There’s no reason to believe that today it will be any better than what we had yesterday.

Hope?

Yes, there is a hope. Or a belief. But the reason there is none.

She has asked so many times for a glass of water that all wells dried up. No, she’s not been refused. Just ignored.

So, the day has started well. It will end, though, in the Irish weather fashion:

we do not know how.

Trying will not get things done.

Stop trying! Do something instead.

There was a lion living in Africa. Every time before the hunt, he kept asking himself: What if I fail? What if I don’t catch anything?

That lion died very young. Of hunger, of course.

Yes, you will fail. Many a time.

So what?

He played and he lost.

Everything.

Don’t you know that Luck doesn’t make many friends?

He told me once he could speak five languages. He doesn’t talk too often though.

And yes. No matter how you twist it, it is always all about the money.

Isn’t it?

It’s all for your own good, you know.

Or is there anybody else’s good you care about more than that of yours?

Now look at that sweating man, taking the tram to and from the work. I’m certain he can sing some marching tunes quite nicely.

March, however, is long gone. Winter is coming.

Brace yourselves.

‘People have to think for themselves,’ she said. And she was right.

Your application for the job has been rejected. You may now go home.

But why?

Fly eat you why! Off you go!

To understand this world is close to impossible. Their world, that is.

Mine is a real gold mine.

He said he had a lot of money on him. He yelled it for everyone to know. Then he proceeded to produce an irrefutable evidence for his hungry audience.

They laughed. They always laugh.

Sweet words were flying around incessantly. Too many of them. Too much of the sweetness.

I got me a bitter drink to remain sane.

They all laughed again, of course.

And this old man, wrapped in a variety of blankets, used his shaky voice and called up to me by my name.

‘Where is your shadow?’

My shadow. What a strange thing to see. It was not there. Just where my shadow was supposed to be, there was nothing.

Of course, it shocked the hell out of them.

I just turned and walked away, leaving them alone with the pleasure in their hearts of their having met me one last time.

I decided to stop the time. But for me to do that I first needed to have my breakfast.

That’s just like him. He can’t stop telling lies. Anyway. It’s fun to have him round.

The fly said good-bye.

So, have you stopped the time?

I’ve forgotten all about it.

It’s too late now.

He likes fish.

This business is ridiculous. I can’t see much in it for me. You can keep it all.

I don’t expect to be late tonight. Not tonight. Although the crime has gone up quite considerably in the last few months.

Yes, you can cook it now. Two plates please.

And one for the bones.

I asked for the light and I was served. I got punched straight into my face.

Then the darkness came.

Smoking is gong to kill you, they say, and perhaps they’re right. Never you mind all the other possibilities.

There’s always a light at the end of every tunnel. However, if you want to stay alive, you’d better turn your back on it.

Now, let’s go for a fag.

Some sugar was added to his drink. Sugar and unknown else.

No one saw her come or go, yet everyone knew that she had been there. Guilty.

But why?

Why is for the fly. Besides, who else if not her?

Right. Guilty.

Put your trust in us!

They tried to change the world. They ended up changing everything BUT the world.

So, what now? Who’s going to pay for all of that?

Not me! I can’t! I only have my pension.

OK. We’ll take your pension. See? You can!

The simple and the poor. They are always wrong.

No, no, no. I disagree. Of all the reasons you have given, I agree with none.

One must wonder, (do you too?) how incredibly beautiful it is for us to even be. To exist is no prerogative, you know?

A student failed his leaving exams and now he is stunned. It is the first real lesson he has learnt in all his years of studying.

No, it is not all just the fun.

Look at them grandparents. They are waving you. Say good-bye.

Sometimes you fail because you do not study. Other times you fail just because you are.

The children were playing the ball. We were playing the cards.

The doors were closed, money laid on the table, knives were sharp and ready.

On the wall there was a fly.

But why?

The things, of course, changed dramatically, as soon as his mother accepted the flowers.

Say your prayer, kid!

He recommended she count the sheep. She was not up to the task, though, and she fell asleep.

Many people, many tastes.

Spinach again? Don’t you know that action achieves more than wisdom in this world?

Do you understand? Do you not?

You never will. Keep counting. Keep sleeping.

You know very well that he never makes any mistakes. Ever.

You know it and I have heard the same.

Some pens are filled with power. It is not who signs what, but rather what is signed.

Red is color of blood. But it is not blood.

The Devil only laughs at you.

Only gold and silver is the money. Nothing else.

But you can’t eat gold!

Slave!

So when will the world end? But for real. Give me some science!

Slave!

And then there was no uprising. Only hunger games.

Yes, it is a fool’s game, and I’ll play along.

Come. Put all your money on this horse!

I used to do a lot of business with this man. Over the years I heard him growing old. No big fry. Just a good chap on the phone. He would always spice the talk with a story from the Nam.

No idea what’s become of him.

Your house is now my house. Your money, health and happiness belong to me as well.

You can keep your crap.

To become more humane, one need lose a lot. And then find his way back home.

Most of us are animals at best.

He was put behind the bars thanks to a drunken judge having made a mistake.

But most of them are guilty anyway. So it’s OK. Or is it not?

They have painted the bench so as to make it nicer for the people to sit on it.

However, people do not like the change.

Guilty!

A burst of fresh air came in through the open window to remind us that the world is on the other side.

Greener grass and such.

She’s painting a picture of the paradise. Having experienced the lavishness of the material world, she doesn’t really know what she can get in the paradise that she cannot get in here.

We’ve printed the money, extended the credit and in so doing, turned the paradise into a beggar’s place.

For now.

Re-education is the word. Yes, indeed. And internet.

Whatever has this world come down to?

They made a trip – took a train, grilled some food, ate the same and drank all there was to drink.

And then they wanted more.

Some people find silence rather disturbing. And some find it unbearable to be looking at an empty glass.

Yes. Life can be downright difficult.

He entertained the thought of not telling anyone. How shocking on his part!

Is there anything in this world that has not been told yet? Something of an essence, is what I mean.

They have their ears, yet they cannot hear.

A joyous dog is chewing on a smoked pig ear. I ponder whatever things it heard when still attached to a living head.

“Delicious!” says the dog.

You call me, I will come. Reluctantly, but still..

Is there something, anything, I can do for you? If there is, you can count on me not doing it.

I dialed the number, yet nobody picked it up. I couldn’t help asking myself – why?

Why is for the fly.

They picked it up. I quickly hung up, not giving them the slightest chance to hang up on me first.

May I see your happiness, please?

I’m afraid you can’t officer. I was robbed of it a long long time ago.

And did you report the loss of your property at the time?

No, I didn’t. It was not a property, you know. It was just a pure, unfiltered loss.

Say what you want to say, but beware that I am utterly unprepared to follow.

Tired? Yes, I am tired.

Don’t you think it astounding how shameless some people can be, when on the phone?

Yes. I have heard an angry old woman disinherit her troublesome child over the phone. Thanks be to progress!

I am always eager to follow that age-old show of the human misery. It can be so colourful at times, don’t you think?

Colourful indeed.

Forget the differences. Not that there are none to be dealt with. On the contrary, there are far too many.

They found a tomb of a prince from over 1600 years ago. The wooden chamber had been preserved by layers of mud. Of the prince, however, only his bones survived.

How many bones will have been found worldwide in ten or fifteen thousand years from now?

How many bones of birds have you seen around?

There you have it. Another difference not to be talked about.

I must report, sadly, that upon the most of them the effect of general education has been such that they can barely read and write.

How do they get along then? How do they survive in the world of the smart?

‘How? Smart phones, LOL!

But they show some interest, do they not? In what exactly? To examine more closely the words they use? They aren’t using any!

Impossible.

LOL

Why would anyone call this a great idea? And most importantly, why would you?

What is the value of a common man? Just give us your rough estimate?

If I’m not mistaken, it is very human to err. Not so much to err on the safe side.

But again, to call just any idea great goes far beyond the boundaries of any gentleman’s good taste.

What is it that does not show in your eyes? How dark are the secrets you are hiding from the world?

The sun rays have flooded the room. It is not a poor man’s room anymore. Everything in it is made of gold.

Candies do not last for long, if you share. Yet if you do not, they tend to turn somewhat sour, do they not?

Make your choice.

Have you heard the news? Have you not? Let somebody else inform you later.

Yes, I agree. It might not be news anymore by then.

I denounce their temerity to call me their friend. And all that just because I speak their heart!

Allegedly.

Have a look into the mirror and clip your hair a bit on the right side, if you dare.

And make it so, that the YOU in the mirror does the same, i.e. on his right side.

Now. Who’s the fool?

Never you forget that why is for the fly!

The higher you fly, the deeper you will fall. And fall you will, time come.

What is to be done?

I can tell you, but who’ll do it with all of your friends gone?

Please, tell me anyway!

No.

And just like that, the days are shorter once again. The very same way they used to be. Everything runs in circles.

Is it true that you cannot remember things?

No, my friend. The truth is that there are no things worth remembering.

The biggest problem of all the people present is there nonsensical adherence to the belief of there being no problem at all.

I don’t quite understand.

Well, we have the room alright , but the elephant is missing.

Oh, now I see. Well then, should the elephant be found, have him brought into the room and inform me at once.

Will do, sir.

I won’t lie to you. I feel to have been robbed.

I allowed myself to be placated by meager 10 kilos of gold. I should have asked for more. My bad, I know. I was lulled into thinking that ten was more than enough.

And is it not? Most people have not a gram. Only worthless paper notes and digits on their screens.

Yes. I guess in that sense it is enough. Nevertheless, I was lulled and misled.

You can fool only a fool.

‘It’s all my fault – it’s my fault!’ he exclaimed and hunched over the mother earth, looking for the evidence.

Why was I ever born?

Leave the whys to flies.

I thought your coming here would cheer me up.

I’m doing my best, you know.

I know you can do better!

The evidence, of course, was nowhere to be found. Only after all his hope had died was he ready to drive off.

Alas, now his car was nowhere to be found either.

Strange things can be happening in the world of the living.

There is a sea of difference between what I promise now and what I promised weeks ago.

And a sea of time as well.

Now and then I catch myself thinking of the words you once said to me.

There were many words, just as there were many promises.

You just can’t stop blaming others for your foolishness! It’s all your fault. You should have trusted me!

That wouldn’t do any good. But what would?

They moved him into a room where he didn’t want to stay. Now they want him pay the rent.

‘Why should I pay?’

‘Why?!’ said a fly. ‘How stupid some questions can be!’

The door on the tram had closed, before the people took their seats.

And the world was set in motion once again.

It is of my strongest conviction that all of what’s been said and done, has been said and done in vain.

The life is running through his veins, powered by his undying desire to excel. To excel in everything and over everyone.

The great inextinguishable fire of the universe has left its little sparks scattered all over the perishable mankind, giving all the poor souls no other choice, but to burn themselves through to eternity.

Rather uncomfortable with the things she had said, she now could not change the course of her speech.

And I mean it!

The embarrassment has just been mixed into the soup, steaming on their plates. No one dared to move. All the guests finished the soup in punishing silence.

Silence is the breading ground, dark and hidden, in the midst of which many things are born – both good and evil alike.

I wish I had more time to tell you everything. And I wish I understood if only half of it.

The world has gone wild and crazy, and you want me to make the sense out of it? On my own? And then preach it to you?

Sweet oblivion, here I am!

But what of him whom neither one will have? Not the heaven, nor the hell?

What of him?

– The treasure of your soul, sir, has been lost.

– Yet again?

– I’m afraid so, sir.

– And how in the world am I supposed to live like this?

– You are not.

The knot in his throat was nothing other than a badly chewed on piece of sandwich. His idyllic lunch break in the park had cost him his life.

The happy birds finished the bread and the mystery was born.

The sun up in the sky was shining gaily.

Alas, there is no happy ending to what has been set in motion by her unexpected arrival. Fortunately, none of us here present likes the happy endings anyway.

Just bring it on. Overcome your years long fear and tell us of your dreams.

Or don’t. Anything you say can and shall be used against you!

Dreams are such a sweet thing to have!

To remember them, however, can turn one’s life into a nightmare.

Sweet oblivion. Come!

Freezing-cold water on you! For you deserve no better.

But what of the others? Do they not deserve the same?

By far not. And besides, who are you to judge? Just because you have lost everything, you now expect others to end the same way!

I haven’t lost anything! Of all I ever possessed I have been robbed!

The same thing. Just go and take that ice-cold shower now, will you.

So, how do you describe that strange tiredness which has fallen upon you?

Upon everything there is.

Without warning, it arrived and claimed the best part of everything.

Or perhaps, tiredness would not be the best word of choice.

What then? Discomfort? Disquietude maybe?

Go out and follow the sun.

It’s a slow and quiet death of which you’re speaking.

Go and speak some to the sun, tête-à-tête.

Do it, and ye shall understand that paralyzing foolishness of yours.

The sun shines on everyone. Yes, it does. So what? Is that supposed to be some kind of consolation?

After you have robbed us of everything we had, you are now telling us we still have the sun?

Yes, we do! We still have it because it is OUT OF YOUR REACH!

We’ll sunbathe our naked poverty in it, but rest assured, if they ask us on the other side, we shan’t be shy or quiet.

To the burning hell with all of you!

They were moving a closet which had not been moved since it had been brought into the house. But now, the owner was dead. And that changed everything.

First, they had to empty it; to dispose of all its treasures. And they did. They named them trash.

Now they were moving the closet merrily, for it had been emptied of everything.

And why not. Why the hell not!

And so, as you crossed the threshold of your house, did you find anything strange about the appearance of your rooms? Something misplaced, perhaps?

No, nothing at all. Except my faith, I guess.

Pardon me?

I must have misplaced my faith in common sense when I chose to believe in your cognitive competence to resolve my very unfortunate situation.

But that is exactly what I am trying to do, sir.

In that case, you’re not doing very great, I must say. Not great at all.

I didn’t do anything to deserve this. Or have I?

Have you?

We’re in the same boat, as they say, and skyscrapers are whispering our secrets to the stars.

Hang the Captain! Sink the boat! But never mind the secrets. Those will die with us.

And about that pigeon, the walking philosopher of the streets, do not give him any crumbs.

He hasn’t deserved them either.

No matter how hard you try,

Why is always for the fly.

The office clock ticks towards midnight. Nobody is present at this ghostly hour.

Just the last cry of a bird into the darkness, and then.. all is still.

But the city never sleeps.

An old, time-beaten mug is sitting on the floor. A stranger’s lips were touching it no so long ago.

Left for someone else to clean it. Symbol of our love.

See? There’s a crack in everything.

And the calendar is mocking her every time she looks at it.

The main thing is to resist.

And resist she does.

Loose Associations

Share this: